We’re not too sure about that. You absolutely have to give
yourself time to ‘mourn’ the relationship but there are ways to quicken up the
recovery process. It won’t be drunken 1am phone calls, litres of ice-cream and
sad loves songs forever!
So if you’ve just broken up, what can you do?
Acceptance
The most important thing is that you accept the break-up.
Dwelling on the past and how things could
be different will only delay your recovery. Everyone has a choice and a right
to decide on their own path; if your partner decided that he/she didn’t want to
be in the relationship anymore then that decision needs to be accepted.
It normally takes a while to come to that feeling of
acceptance, because it’s a tough one. If you were happy it can be difficult to
see it in any other way. But give it time, and you’ll see that accepting the
decision is far better than hoping it will change.
Get Busy!
The likelihood is your partner took up a lot of your time,
which means that when they’re no longer there you’ve got a whole load of empty
hours to fill! So join clubs, see more of your friends, and offer to babysit
for your nieces and nephews, do as much as you can to fill up your social calendar.
Do lots of what you love to do and find something new to do! Start a new hobby,
learn to play an instrument, go to Salsa lessons; not only will these things
keep you busy it’s also great for your self-esteem.
Talk Talk Talk
Want to text your ex? Text a friend instead. Had one too many drinks and suddenly calling your ex seems to be the greatest idea? Call a friend instead. Most people will go through a break-up at some stage, so your friends will know just how to make you feel better – don’t be scared to ask for help.
Stop Stalking!
Social media is great, except in situations like this. It’s
all too easy to know exactly what your ex is up to using Facebook / Twitter
etc. But ask yourself this, is checking out their profile going to make you
feel good? No. It doesn’t matter what’s on there, ‘Just got back from the gym,
feeling great!’ Urgh, ‘Awesome night out – hanging today!’, bigger urgh. Best to
avoid altogether.
It’s a little extreme, but if you don’t trust yourself to
not browse through their pictures on a daily basis, then just block them. Maybe
send an email beforehand to explain why. It’ll seem hard at the time, but it’s
the healthy thing to do.
How do you know when you’re ready to date again?
This is completely different for everyone. It may take a
couple of months, it might take a couple of years; but only start dating again
until you’re ready. If anything, it’s unfair on your new date if you’re still
mourning after the last! You’ll know when you’re ready, but there a few sure
signs...
1)
Imagine how you’d feel if you saw your ex
walking past you hand-in-hand with their new partner. If you think you’d be
able to say a friendly ‘hello’, then that’s a good sign. If you think you’d run
a mile, or throw your bag at them then yeah, perhaps not…
2)
When was the last time you checked there FB
profile? If it was a while ago then that shows you’re too busy with your own
life to care what their getting up to. Good sign!3) Happiness – if you feel good, and happy, and confident then you’re ready!
This quote really sums it up for us…
“Try to be a rainbow in someone’s cloud.” - Maya Angelou
If you’re ready to bring the sunshine into someone else’s life, then you’re totally ready to start dating again.
So, chin up buttercup, it’ll get better. X
* All images sourced from Vancouver based photographer / videographer, Tom Nugent. Check out his site here: http://tomnugent.ca/
I've been going through a tough breakup as well, and this article gives great advice. I would also recommend exaholics.com, it's helped me a lot in my recovery and I recommend it to anyone going through a breakup. Good luck!
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