Flirtify: sex

By Sam at Flirtify

If you’re in a relationship for the long-haul, you’re probably well aware that the Honeymoon Period comes and goes quicker than you’d probably like to admit. But that’s life, eh: when sexy underwear gets replaced with a multi-car insurance policy and a slow cooker, you know you’ve moved on to the next stage of your relationship.

Nonetheless, here arise some definite perks: what's more, this often means your significant other becomes more and more like your best pal. And that’s completely worth the constant bickering over who unloads the dishwasher, trust us.

They may not have been featured in Shakespeare’s sonnets, but here are 10 ways that being in a relationship is the best, even without the romance:

1. Sharing food

Source
This is by far the best part of being in a relationship: at a restaurant and can’t decide what you want to eat? No worries: order two plates and swap halfway through.

For the terminal unromantics, make sure you make a clear 50-50 separation on your plate before you start eating.

2. Using them as an excuse

Source
Forgot to pay the rent? Being particularly rubbish at texting back? You can blame everything on your significant other, without them even knowing. Apologising for their tardiness is quicker and easier than actually admitting personal responsibility.

Just don’t forget, this is a mutual agreement; after a few years, your friends will definitely begin to wonder why you put up with how pathetic you make your partner out to be – and vice versa.

3. Being able to let yourself go

Source
Arguably the most challenging part of being in a long-term relationship is coming to terms with how you’ve managed to double your collective body weight since the day you met. Cue identity crisis.

But in all honesty, it just means you’re super comfortable around another human being; the illusion has finally been shed, and it’s fantastic. You let those leg hairs breathe, girl.

4. Presents get good

Source

When you eat, sleep and binge-watch next to someone for a significant amount of time, you have plenty of opportunities to master the subtle hint; it can be quite life changing, getting presents from someone who knows what you already have and what you genuinely want/need. Gift receipts become a thing of the past.

Not only this, but presents can get more and more practical; it might feel like the end of romance as you know it, but there’s a bittersweet joy in receiving that set of wiper blades you’ve been needing for ages.

5. Cooking is easier

Source
Anyone who cooks for one knows the struggle; portion control goes out of the window. Either you end up chucking a significant portion of your handiwork away, or you end up eating the same sodding shepherd’s pie every night for the rest of the week.

It’s hard to hear, but most recipe books don’t cater to the singleton market: cooking for two increases your options, distributes the labour, and also saves the planet from food waste. Win-win-win.

6. Borrowing their stuff

Source
Not only are you blessed in sharing their company for – fingers crossed – the rest of your life, you also get to share all of their possessions: TVs, more expensive furniture, subscription services, even underwear, if you’re daring.

Being in a relationship basically means you double your amount of possessions- as long as you don’t mind the action figure/antique coin collections coming along for the ride too.

7. They’re willing to listen to your every thought

Source
Fancy yourself as a James Joyce? You’ve finally found that one person who will put up with your no-longer-internal monologue all day, every day. They know that their contribution may not be valued, and yet they want to take it all in anyway.

They might even call you out on some of your crappier/more irrational behaviour, leaving you as a more stable, rounded individual. Aw.

8. Road Trips are 100% better

Source
Whether you’re partaking in Route 66 or the obligatory drive-through hangover run, travelling gets instantly better. Not only do you have someone to 50-50 the actual driving with, but your counterpart can offer many other skills, like DJing, navigating, snack sharing, and most importantly keeping you awake.

We’re surprised that having a significant other isn’t a requirement on your insurance policy by now.

9. Candid photo taking

Source
It sounds narcissistic, but here lies a golden opportunity; when you’re tired of the selfie, you can arrange for your non-judgemental partner in crime to take a completely natural-looking, completely staged shot for your Instagram.

Not only does it give the illusion that another human being actually thought you’d make a fascinating subject, you can also give it 50 different tries to ensure you get the angle of your chin just right.

10. Having someone rooting for you every single day

Source
Okay, so this one is kinda romantic: there’s nothing more confidence-boosting and life-affirming than having someone who consistently has your back. Every one of your flaws all of a sudden has the miraculous potential to be endearing. It’s an awful cliché, but when you find someone who will support you through both good and bad times, every day gets a little bit easier. Whether you’re facing a drastic career change, family issues, or a charity 10k, there’s nothing more reassuring than facing it together with someone who knows your every thought and every quirk.

Combine all of this with the occasional romantic renaissance, and maybe the dreaded ‘post-honeymoon period’ doesn’t look too bleak after all.

Feel like you’re missing out on all of this unromantic romance?

Sign up to Flirtify; it’s free to join and browse thousands of people single right away. Whether you’re looking for fun, friendship, romance and/or that special long term relationship, we have you covered.

Get started with Flirtify >>

17:00

Student beans recently published the University Sex League of 2014, a survey that seeks to find out the average amount of sexual partners for university students. Topping the league with an average of 10.59 was the University of Brighton, and at the bottom was Bath Spa with 2.57.

The number of sexual partners and what is 'good' and 'not good' has always been debated. Women with a high number have been deemed 'promiscuous,' men with a low number 'in-experienced.' Both terms, can be pretty hurtful, and the debate itself is riddled with sexist beliefs and insinuations. So in the 21st Century, are we still judging potential partners on their sexual history? And if we are, what is the acceptable 'magic number?'

Nikki Howarth, a party planner who was interviewed by the Daily Mail, said that for men 10 is fine, “you want to date a man who is confident and knows what he is doing sexually,’ but her advice to girls was to keep quiet on revealing their number:

‘Don’t tell, particularly if you’re figure is above 10. Most guys will think the worst of you.’

The problem is, as much as that statement will anger many people – there is sadly some truth in it. Some guys would perhaps think less of a woman if her number delved into the double digits, but why? Maybe it's the woman's problem and she's just too sexually active. Hmm. Or maybe, this sort of judgement is used to cover up this particular guys insecurities.

Men tend to get a much better deal in this instance, usually getting a high-five for reaching double digits. But there are those that question whether 'spreading the seed' far and wide, is really all that it's cracked up to be. Author Tony Parsons in an article for GQ magazine wrote regretfully about not remembering a lot of his sexual partners and how this is a problem for a lot of guys out there:

“Most readers of this magazine will have 10 lovers that they have completely forgotten. That is nothing to be proud of – just the sad and wistful truth, a cruel fact of our busy lives.”

With hook-up apps becoming the norm, Universities being judged by how much sex their students are having, and the media monetizing more than ever on sex, it’s not surprising that our numbers are getting higher and higher. Reading Parsons's article raises an interesting question; is casual sex actually fulfilling, or are we just doing it because we think everyone else is?

So, what do we think?

Firstly, the idea that if a woman (or a man) has had what is deemed to be ‘too many’ sexual partners, they’re viewed as damaged goods, is stupid and should be disregarded, as should any one that believes it. Secondly, you need to be comfortable with your number – high or low. And if you’re not, you need to question why and address the reason. Sex should be about intimacy and discovery, and in our view it’s better when it’s with someone you care about and feel comfortable with…’quality over quantity,’ and all that. But that’s subjective; we would by no means say that this is the ‘universal truth.’

Marie Claire did a feature last year, “What’s your number? 5 women tally up their sexual score,” and one of those women made a very good point. Raised as a Presbyterian, she believed in no sex before marriage and when asked whether it would matter how many sexual partners her boyfriend had she said:

“In a perfect world, I’ll marry a virgin; but if he’s the right guy for me, it ultimately won’t matter.”

And that’s just it, if it’s the right person your number won’t matter.

dating advice sex

11:34

The age-old question; is it ok to sleep with someone on your first date? Attitudes towards sex and dating have changed completely over the past few years; with apps like tinder making casual hook-ups the norm and the media’s obsession with all things sex, we’re much more comfortable talking about it, and being open about our own experiences.

But is there still a stigma about girls who sleep with guys on a first date? We all still fear the dreaded ‘slag’ comment, and despite our new found openness many of us are still reluctant to reveal our magic number. But if we put those things aside, our worries about what other people might think, is having sex on a first date even a good idea?

YES

It depends what you want, entirely. If you’re not looking for a relationship and just want to have (excuse the phrase) ‘a bit of fun,’ then in theory, why not? If you have an instant connection and sparks are flying all over the shop, then you might just want to skip dinner and take he/she straight back to your beautifully prepared bedroom. And – it’s not unheard of that many a long term relationship has started in this way. If there’s a mutual attraction and respect for each other, then there is no reason why after sleeping with someone on the first date, it couldn’t blossom into a fully-fledged romance.

*Note:* Friends, Ross & Emily and their ‘first date’ weekend in Vermont.

Although to be fair, that didn’t end great...

NO

Many girls and guys would say, ‘if you sleep with a guy on a first date, he won’t respect you.’ There is sometimes truth in that, but if he DOES lose respect for you then it’s hypocritical, it takes two to tango as they say. If there is a lack of respect or an element of judgement from either party, don’t pursue that relationship (casual or serious).

On a lighter note, sometimes it’s just nice to wait. It creates anticipation, and allows you to build up a level of trust meaning that when you do have sex, you'll both feel completely comfortable (and so, probably enjoy it a lot more). It’s the general consensus that Nick and Jess’s eagerly anticipated first kiss was the hottest thing on TV c.2013, aahhh....

REMEMBER

….any decision you make should be without fear of judgement. Once that fear is out the way, you are free to do whatever the hell you want, but above all things (and we hate to put a downer on it), you need to remember your safety. It’s never a good idea to take a completely new person back to your house before you have got to know them. Equally when you do have sex, you put yourself in an incredibly vulnerable position so you need to KNOW that your partner can be trusted.

It’s also important to remember that sex can mean something different to every person. Where someone is able to detach it from emotion, others can’t. So whatever you do, make sure you’re both completely open and honest about what it is you want.

And just because, we'll leave you with these wise words….

dating sex

14:35