Sexual Partners - How Many is Too Many?

Student beans recently published the University Sex League of 2014, a survey that seeks to find out the average amount of sexual partners for university students. Topping the league with an average of 10.59 was the University of Brighton, and at the bottom was Bath Spa with 2.57.

The number of sexual partners and what is 'good' and 'not good' has always been debated. Women with a high number have been deemed 'promiscuous,' men with a low number 'in-experienced.' Both terms, can be pretty hurtful, and the debate itself is riddled with sexist beliefs and insinuations. So in the 21st Century, are we still judging potential partners on their sexual history? And if we are, what is the acceptable 'magic number?'
 

Nikki Howarth, a party planner who was interviewed by the Daily Mail, said that for men 10 is fine, “you want to date a man who is confident and knows what he is doing sexually,’ but her advice to girls was to keep quiet on revealing their number:

‘Don’t tell, particularly if you’re figure is above 10. Most guys will think the worst of you.’
 

The problem is, as much as that statement will anger many people – there is sadly some truth in it. Some guys would perhaps think less of a woman if her number delved into the double digits, but why? Maybe it's the woman's problem and she's just too sexually active. Hmm. Or maybe, this sort of judgement is used to cover up this particular guys insecurities.  

Men tend to get a much better deal in this instance, usually getting a high-five for reaching double digits. But there are those that question whether 'spreading the seed' far and wide, is really all that it's cracked up to be. Author Tony Parsons in an article for GQ magazine wrote regretfully about not remembering a lot of his sexual partners and how this is a problem for a lot of guys out there:

 “Most readers of this magazine will have 10 lovers that they have completely forgotten. That is nothing to be proud of – just the sad and wistful truth, a cruel fact of our busy lives.”

 

With hook-up apps becoming the norm, Universities being judged by how much sex their students are having, and the media monetizing more than ever on sex, it’s not surprising that our numbers are getting higher and higher. Reading Parsons's article raises an interesting question; is casual sex actually fulfilling, or are we just doing it because we think everyone else is?
 

So, what do we think?

Firstly, the idea that if a woman (or a man) has had what is deemed to be ‘too many’ sexual partners, they’re viewed as damaged goods, is stupid and should be disregarded, as should any one that believes it. Secondly, you need to be comfortable with your number – high or low. And if you’re not, you need to question why and address the reason. Sex should be about intimacy and discovery, and in our view it’s better when it’s with someone you care about and feel comfortable with…’quality over quantity,’ and all that. But that’s subjective; we would by no means say that this is the ‘universal truth.’

Marie Claire did a feature last year, “What’s your number? 5 women tally up their sexual score,” and one of those women made a very good point. Raised as a Presbyterian, she believed in no sex before marriage and when asked whether it would matter how many sexual partners her boyfriend had she said:

“In a perfect world, I’ll marry a virgin; but if he’s the right guy for me, it ultimately won’t matter.”

And that’s just it, if it’s the right person your number won’t matter.